Sandy's Thoughts

The Old Hollywood Squares

2011-07-11T01:05:00.000-05:00

Hollywood Squares:
These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the NAVY
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING

I-phone

2011-07-07T19:28:00.004-05:00

It all began with an iPhone...
March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

Pearls

2010-11-16T17:55:00.002-06:00

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with his best friend, Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3.. There are two theories to arguing with a woman . . Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER...

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.

In God We Trust

Senior Citizens Dress Code

2010-11-03T10:02:00.002-05:00

Many of us 'Old Folks' (over 50) are quite confused today about how we should present ourselves. Feeling 'young' , we try to conform to current fashions and present a youthful image.
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets, the following combination's DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spot
11. Mini skirts and varicose veins
And, Most importantly at some point you have to give up the 'DAISY DUKE' shorts

Noah the Dove

2010-04-18T18:38:00.003-05:00

I received an email from a friend and thought it was so amazing what this animal did I had to pass it on. I researched it and found the web site that this story came from and wanted to make sure that everyone who was able to help could. Now the photos that I received look like Noah the Dove but the entire story and the book that will be coming out is even more amazing. I plan to buy this book for my granddaughter so that she knows there are wonderful people in this world and that God does wonderful things with all sorts of people and animals. I hope that you enjoy this post as much as I enjoyed the email.

Noah the Dove
These little bunnies, about 6 days old, were attacked by a dog and orphaned. Two out of the litter of five did not survive, and these three were not doing very well. Noah is a non-releasable, one-legged homing pigeon/rock dove that is in the rehab center. Noah kept going over to the bunny cage and looking in -- even sleeping in front of the door to the cage. Then, suddenly, there were only two bunnies in the cage. But when Noah moved a bit from the front of the cage to everyone's surprise...there was the tiny bunny...under Noah's wing...sound asleep! That little bunny rabbit had crawled through the cage, preferring a feather bed, no doubt to snuggling up with its litter mates! Now, they are all together and the bunnies are doing GREAT. When the bunnies scoot underneath Noah's feathers, he carefully extends his wings out to surround them and then they snuggle. When one of them moves and they start sticking out here and there, he gently pushes them back under him with his beak! It is beautiful and amazing to see...
Update on Noah the pigeon: We are Bob and Georganne Lenham of Wild Rose Rescue Ranch in Texas , home of Noah the Pigeon. After finding many posts online featuring Noah and the bunnies and reading about the many lives he has touched (his story has been forwarded around the world) we thought we'd post a follow-up and a few new photos. We knew there was something special about Noah the moment we saw him. Although the bunnies seem to be his favorite, Noah helps out with many rescue babies here at the Wild Rose Rescue Ranch...Noah's first litter of bunnies, almost raised and ready for release.
Now, Noah helps out with many rescue babies here at the ranch...How wonderful it is to have a full-time soft-feathered nurturer here at the rescue ranch! He cuddles with all the babies as they snuggle under his warm feathers...and he "coos" as if singing them to sleep with a lullaby.
Noah is truly, truly a God-send.

He will cover you with His feathers
And under His wings you will find refuge.
Psalm 91:4
This is what God does with us when we need the warmth and love He offers. He gathers us under His loving wings to a warm cradle of protection. All we need do in return is give Him the thanks and praise for being with us.

Snow Moose

2009-11-12T17:45:00.005-06:00

I received these photos and story in an email and wanted to continue to pass it on to everyone I could think of, so here is someones travel story.
You probably won't ever see this in your travels! These animals were photographed just north of the Wisconsin border on a highway near Marenisco, MI.
Once in awhile there is an opportunity to take in a piece of nature that you may never see. In these days of unrest and turmoil it is great to see that GOD still produces some wondrous beauty.
The odds of seeing an albino moose are astronomical and to see this in the upper peninsula of Michigan , near Wisconsin , is even greater than astronomical. To see two of them together is nearly impossible.
We wanted to share these photos with as many people as possible because you will probably never have a chance to see this rare sight again.
This is a really special treat, so enjoy the shots of a lifetime.
Here is a write up on Snopes which tells their version of the story behind the photos. Either way you look at this story they are still beautiful animal photos no matter where they were taken .

http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/albinomoose.asp

Qantas Airlines Repair Division

2009-09-17T12:13:00.000-05:00

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division
In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college (this is Oz, okay?) degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny........... (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed. And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

20 Things to Remember

2009-09-06T13:26:00.002-05:00

TWENTY THINGS TO REMEMBER

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you prayed, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kinda like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day -- it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. Come on in.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16 . We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it; otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. Its all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking! Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

No matter what storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting. Leave gentle fingerprints on the soul of another for the angels to read.
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. Live life to the fullest... and thank God for every moment of your day !!

Bubba and Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines

2009-09-03T23:22:00.001-05:00

Thank you for purchasing "Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines"
brought to you by Bubba & Cooter, straight outta Texas. Enjoy!

1) Did you fart? cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I just can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

7) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

8) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.

Dangerous Breed

2009-08-26T22:10:00.002-05:00

Please read!!!

If you are an owner of a dog that belongs to a 'dangerous breed' category and you also have a child or a visiting small child please take this as a warning.

Don't leave your dog with a small child unattended under any circumstances!!!

Only one little moment was enough for the following to happen.

See the photo below .....

Thank you!
The Dog

I THINK I WILL GO BAREFOOT

2009-08-25T13:02:00.008-05:00

Are you looking for a new pair of shoes ? ?

I'd like to see her standing up and walking in those.
I know it would be entertaining.

Every Scottish girl needs a pair of these

whatever . . .

Great bridal shoe! Hope the groom is eight foot tall
-Now I know I've got to get a pair of these. I'd feel like Mrs. Maxwell Smart.

There aren't enough words for this. Who the h@** wants to stand on a nail?

Did they borrow this idea from Transformers or Hannibal Lecter?

Now, I must confess. These might surprise us. They look springy.
You could pogo your way to where you're going.
Learning how to stop might take some experience once you get hopping.

I hope this is a joke. I've never fancied myself looking like one of those half-horse kind of people

If the designer was going for the "big foot" look, they missed.
Looks more like Hobbits' feet. Do they come with flea spray?

I hope the lights work on these. You could see where you're walking in the dark.
That would be cool.

One of the astronauts called. He wants the rest of his suit back.

Now, I must confess. These are much prettier than the
big fluffy duck, bear, chicken, etc houseshoes.

NO COMMENT

LOL LOL LOL or HA HA HA I hope those skinny nobby knee'd legs are strong.

Alright! I wonder what kind of dress you'd wear with them. Kinda stylish, really.

Again.............no comment

WHAT THE %&$^#*(@#()#() She didn't paint her toenails!

Well......at least if you have stinky feet, you can blame it on the fish

Now, this is one twisted cowpoke. At least I assume cowpoke (hairy legs).
Better shut up. don't want to get into trouble.

What exactly are we looking at?

Okay......now I'm worried. Is this her feet....or does she really not have
any toes inside of these amputated animal hooves.

Nasty is all that comes to mind here. Probably doesn't own a cat.
Or maybe they use these for training the cat.......mmmmm

Constipation Cure

2009-08-21T12:40:00.002-05:00

This is my PSA for everyone that suffers at time with constipation…………..

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, here’s what to do. Look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:
My present and future financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of…
Barack Obama
, Joe Biden
, Harry Reid
, Nancy Pelosi
, Tim Geithner
, Rahm Emmanuel , Chris Dodd , and Barney Frank ! If that doesn’t scare the poop out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life. There is no need to thank me for this advice; I’m just doing it as a public service.
I found new names for some in this group and I liked it so much I want to pass it on.
Nobama, Bawney Fwank, EZkill Emanuel, and Piglosi.

Obama Military

2009-08-18T20:54:00.002-05:00

This is just a visual tongue in cheek post about where this President is taking our military.

Cash For Clunkers

2009-08-14T12:15:00.002-05:00

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY - How about You?

Balloon Dresses

2009-08-13T18:33:00.002-05:00

It has been quite a while since my last post. Lots of things have happened in my life, along with the most traumatic thing that happened, was the death of my mom. I really miss her but I also know that she is in a wonderful and great place, in heaven next to God. So today I the post will be more visual then content. Maybe real soon I will resume my posting on a regular basis. Enjoy these amazing dresses and outfits made out of twisting balloons.

1950 Chevrolet Club Coupe

2009-07-10T08:44:00.002-05:00

This story reminds me of the good ole days in my life. My first car was a 1956 Pontiac and I loved that car the only difference between this story and my car is my car survived two fires and had 280,000 miles on it. I wish I had it today. I hope you enjoy the story and it brings back memories for you like it did for me.
437 original, actual miles
Purchased new by Mr. and Mrs. Jessie Trueblood of Modesto . Shortly after purchasing this car, Mr. Trueblood took a day off to go fishing. While waiting for the 'big one' to bite he witnessed a woman fall out of her boat. Mr. Trueblood jumped in to help only to fall victim of a fatal heart attack. Mrs. Trueblood returned the car home and placed it in the garage for the next 12 years. The odometer reading at that time (1962) was 413 miles.
Mrs. Trueblood lived next door to a used car lot owned by Mr. William E. Wilson (now 81 years old). Mr. Wilson spoke with her frequently and often told her he would like to buy the car for himself to keep. In 1962 the time had come. Mrs. Trueblood told Mr. Wilson she needed a car for her bookkeeper who didn't really care for the ol' Chevy and would prefer a Rambler. No problem. Mr. Wilson went down to the local Rambler dealer and bought a brand new one for $1,650.00 ($100.00 over cost) and made the swap.
He then took the car home and parked it with 433 actual miles. And there it sat for the next 45 years, occasionally being started and moved in and out of the garage. In 2007 Mr. Wilson decided to sell the car and started spreading the word around Modesto that the ol' Chevy with 433 miles on it was for sale. Many had heard about the car, but hardly anyone had ever laid eyes on it. In fact, according to Mr. Wilson he believes he only showed the car to about 5 people in 45 years. Word spread quickly about the car and soon a buyer arrived ready and willing to pay the $60,000 asking price. When Mr. Wilson told me the story of this car he complained heavily of the "capital gains" tax he was required to pay and wished he had never sold it. As of this writing, Mr. Wilson is still alive and well in Modesto and can verify the miles and originality of this car. Simply put, this is a true 100% factory original survivor (that includes the air in the tires). This ol' Chevy now has 437 original miles and is most likely the world's lowest mileage 1950.

Wal-Mart Cake

2009-06-30T10:37:00.002-05:00

Wal-Mart Cake
It took me a second, but make sure you read the story under the picture.
Keep in mind this really did happen. For someone who was moving from an insurance claims office.

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Wal Mart Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Wal Marts, how can I help you?'

Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Wal Mart Employee: 'What you want on the cake?'

Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.

STOP LAUGHING! You can't fix stupid

Bubba's Resume

2009-06-24T23:13:00.001-05:00

My Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper.
I kin Type realee qwik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the fone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole realee seam to reespond too me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not too good but find that I Offen can get a job wit my persinalety. My salerery is open so we kin discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I kin start emeditely. Thank yoo in advanse fore yore anser. hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Bubba
PS: Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

Employer's response:
Dear Bubba:
It's O K, Honey. We've got spell check. See you Monday.

The dog food diet

2009-06-24T15:04:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's a$$ and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Target won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

German is German

2009-06-20T22:33:00.001-05:00

It pays to know Pennsylvania German...

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: "Trinken Sie nicht das Wasser, die Kuhe und die Schweine haben in ihm geschissen!" (which means: "Don't drink the water. The cows and pigs have crapped in it!")
The man shouts back: "I am a Muslim. I don't understand, nor do I care to understand your gibberish. Speak English, Infidel!"
The Amish man shouts back in English: "Use two hands, you'll get more!"

Grandma and Jesus

2009-06-19T14:53:00.000-05:00

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
"Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of
God!"
"Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking.
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience.
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks.
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma

Flu Solution

2009-05-19T10:05:00.002-05:00

Can't eat pork,
Swine flu...

Can't eat chicken,
Bird flu.

Can't eat Beef,
Mad cow....

Can't eat eggs,
Salmonella.

Can't eat fish,
heavy metal poisons in their waters.

Can't eat fruits and veggies,
insecticides and herbicides.

Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!

Remember - - - 'STRESSED'
spelled backwards! is
'DESSERTS'

Show this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds

Don't show it and you will gain 10 pounds immediately!

That's why I had to post this - -
- - - didn't want to risk it - - -
And I wanted to put a smile on your face.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN AND A MAN

2009-05-18T13:58:00.000-05:00

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.... :)

Out For a Stroll

2009-05-09T21:48:00.003-05:00

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign:

"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
"First Place!," said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign:

"Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
"First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign:

"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is Obama?" asked Pinocchio.

WRONG EMAIL ADDRESS

2009-04-23T14:10:00.001-05:00

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong E-mail address:
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address. Meanwhile ... Somewhere in Houston ... A widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her E-mail, expecting messages from relatives and20friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife Date: Friday, October 13, 2005 Subject: I have arrived!
Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send E-mail to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
PS . It sure is freakin' hot down here

International Disturbed People Day

2009-04-10T22:53:00.001-05:00

Today is International Disturbed People's Day
Please show this encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.
I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus
or occasionally pee on yourself..
You hang in there sunshine, you're friggin' special
Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
Show this to all the people you love and don't want to lose in 2009.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance!

Gun Control

2009-03-14T20:10:00.002-05:00

Republicans secretly inserted new gun control laws into the stimulus package.
The gun dealer must inquire as to whether the buyer voted for Obama, and if so,
must sell him the new gun for Democrats. They anticipate great success in states
like New Hampshire, Conn. , New York and parts of CA.

Stella Awards

2009-03-10T11:55:00.002-05:00

Stella Awards
It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stella's for the past year:
*SEVENTH PLACE*
Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.
Start scratching!
* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles,California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Scratch some more...
* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more...
Double hand scratching after this one...
*FOURTH PLACE*
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas , garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot...
* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?
Only two more so ease up on the scratching...
*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.
Ok. Here we go!!!!!
* FIRST PLACE *
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.
Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?

Medical Typos

2009-03-03T11:41:00.002-06:00

I just couldn't resist posting these typos that medical secretaries made into patients files. I hope everyone enjoys a good laugh today. Read #21 it is one of the better ones. :)
1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOOSE?

2009-02-27T09:35:00.001-06:00

HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOOSE?
How do you get a moose 50 feet in the air by accident?
Without the picture, this would be hard to believe.
Read under the picture...

Pogo Moose Incident - Fairbanks , Alaska "They were laying new power cables which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. He was still alive when they lowered him to the ground. He had to be shot later due to stress. He was a huge 60 inch bull!"

11 Most Expensive Catastrophes in History

2009-02-21T08:39:00.002-06:00

# 11. Titanic - $150 Million

The sinking of the Titanic is possibly the most famous accident in the world. But it barely makes our list of top 11 most expensive. On April 15, 1912, the Titanic sank on its maiden voyage and was considered to be the most luxurious ocean liner ever built. Over 1,500 people lost their lives when the ship ran into an iceberg and sunk in frigid waters. The ship cost $7 million to build ($150 million in today ' s dollars).
# 10. Tanker Truck vs Bridge - $358 Million

On August 26, 2004, a car collided with a tanker truck containing 32,000 liters of fuel on the Wiehltal Bridge in Germany .. The tanker crashed through the guardrail and fell 90 feet off the A4 Autobahn resulting in a huge explosion and fire which destroyed the load-bearing ability of the bridge. Temporary repairs cost $40 million and the cost to replace the bridge is estimated at $318 Million.
# 9. MetroLink Crash - $500 Million

On September 12, 2008, in what was one of the worst train crashes in California history, 25 people were killed when a Metrolink commuter train crashed head-on into a Union Pacific freight train in Los Angeles .. It is thought that the Metrolink train may have run through a red signal while the conductor was busy text messaging.. Wrongful death lawsuits are expected to cause $500 million in losses for Metrolink.
# 8. B-2 Bomber Crash - $1.4 Billion

Here we have our first billion dollar accident (and we ' re only #7 on the list). This B-2 stealth bomber crashed shortly after taking off from an air base in Guam on February 23, 2008. Investigators blamed distorted data in the flight control computers caused by moisture in the system. This resulted in the aircraft making a sudden nose-up move which made the B-2 stall and crash. This was 1 of only 21 ever built and was the most expensive aviation accident in history. Both pilots were able to eject to safety.
# 7. Exxon Valdez - $2.5 Billion

The Exxon Valdez oil spill was not a large one in relation to the world ' s biggest oil spills, but it was a costly one due to the remote location of Prince William Sound (accessible only by helicopter and boat). On March 24, 1989, 10.8 million gallons of oil was spilled when the ship ' s master, Joseph Hazelwood, left the controls and the ship crashed into a Reef. The cleanup cost Exxon $2.5 billion.
# 6. Piper Alpha Oil Rig - $3.4 Billion

The world ' s worst off-shore oil disaster. At one time, it was the world ' s single largest oil producer, spewing out 317,000 barrels of oil per day. On July 6, 1988, as part of routine maintenance, technicians removed and checked safety valves which were essential in preventing dangerous build-up of liquid gas. There were 100 identical safety valves which were checked. Unfortunately, the technicians made a mistake and forgot to replace one of them. At 10 PM that same night, a technician pressed a start button for the liquid gas pumps and the world ' s most expensive oil rig accident was set in motion.
Within 2 hours, the 300 foot platform was engulfed in flames. It eventually collapsed, killing 167 workers and resulting in $3.4 Billion in damages.
# 5. Challenger Explosion - $5.5 Billion

The Space Shuttle Challenger was destroyed 73 seconds after takeoff due on January 28, 1986 due to a faulty O-ring. It failed to seal one of the joints, allowing pressurized gas to reach the outside. This in turn caused the external tank to dump its payload of liquid hydrogen causing a massive explosion. The cost of replacing the Space Shuttle was $2 billion in 1986 ($4.5 billion in today ' s dollars). The cost of investigation, problem correction, and replacement of lost equipment cost $450 million from 1986-1987 ($1 Billion in today ' s dollars).
# 4. Prestige Oil Spill - $12 Billion

On November 13, 2002, the Prestige oil tanker was carrying 77,000 tons of heavy fuel oil when one of its twelve tanks burst during a storm off Galicia , Spain . Fearing that the ship would sink, the captain called for help from Spanish rescue workers, expecting them to take the ship into harbour. However, pressure from local authorities forced the captain to steer the ship away from the coast. The captain tried to get help from the French and Portuguese authorities, but they too ordered the ship away from their shores. The storm eventually took its toll on the ship resulting in the tanker splitting in half and releasing 20 million gallons oil into the sea.
According to a report by the Pontevedra Economist Board, the total cleanup cost $12 billion.
# 3. Space Shuttle Columbia - $13 Billion

The Space Shuttle Columbia was the first space worthy shuttle in NASA ' s orbital fleet. It was destroyed during re-entry over Texas on February 1, 2003 after a hole was punctured in one of the wings during launch 16 days earlier. The original cost of the shuttle was $2 Billion in 1978. That comes out to $6.3 Billion in today ' s dollars. $500 million was spent on the investigation, making it the costliest aircraft accident investigation in history. The search and recovery of debris cost $300 million.
In the end, the total cost of the accident (not including replacement of the shuttle) came out to $13 Billion according to the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics..
# 2. Chernobyl - $200 Billion

On April 26, 1986, the world witnessed the costliest accident in history. The Chernobyl disaster has been called the biggest socio-economic catastrophe in peacetime history. 50% of the area of Ukraine is in some way contaminated. Over 200,000 people had to be evacuated and resettled while 1.7 million people were directly affected by the disaster. The death toll attributed to Chernobyl , including people who died from cancer years later, is estimated at 125,000. The total costs including cleanup, resettlement, and compensation to victims has been estimated to be roughly $200 Billion. The cost of a new steel shelter for the Chernobyl nuclear plant will cost $2 billion alone. The accident was officially attributed to power plant operators who violated plant procedures and were ignorant of the safety requirements needed.
# 1. 2008 Presidential Election- $800 Billion in the first month.....

Two Questions To Life?

2009-02-17T14:52:00.003-06:00

A friend sent me something that made me think. Life boils down to two questions and how you answer them. Me personally I answered the two questions, that must be why I have children and a dog. On the other hand, while I have my tongue in my cheek, I wonder if I made the right decision. :) Just kidding about the other thought and I hope you enjoy my smile for the day.

1. Should I get a dog.......?

OR

2. Should I have children?

The Amazing Dog "Gin"

2009-02-10T13:05:00.002-06:00

I continue my post with a video of what I call and amazing dog and her friend. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

Salsa Dancing

2009-02-02T15:28:00.003-06:00

Here is a video that all of the young ones should admire, since I am getting old and can only dream to dance like this. This woman is 87 years old and will probably live another 87 years at this rate.

Russia's Tunnel of Death

2009-01-25T13:19:00.002-06:00

Russia's Tunnel of Death
The 3,150 m long Lefortovo tunnel in Russia , (near Poland )
is the longest in-city tunnel in all of Europe. It is
nicknamed 'The Tunnel of Death.' See for yourself why. There
is a river running over the tunnel and water leaks through in some
areas. When the temperature reaches nearly 0°C like it
does during the winter in Russia, the road freezes and becomes
a sheet of black ice.
The result is the video, at the end of this post, which was taken during a
single day with the tunnel surveillance camera.
Congratulations to the dual-carriage bus driver - imagine
the passengers in the back! What a ride!
The next time you complain about traffic, remember this
video .. Yikes, Russian engineering! ... or ... perhaps
it's the vodka.
Notice the lack of SUV's and Pickups. Al Gore would
be proud of the Russians.

Mass Migration of Stingrays

2009-01-23T13:57:00.002-06:00

Mass Migration of Stingrays
I got this in an email from my cousin and thought it was so beautiful that I had to post it for all to enjoy. As noted in the post these photos were taken by Sandra Critelli.

Looking like giant leaves floating in the sea, thousands of Golden Rays are seen here gathering off the coast of Mexico . The spectacular scene was captured as the magnificent creatures made one of their biannual mass migrations to more agreeable waters.
Gliding silently beneath the waves, they turned vast areas of blue water to gold off the northern tip of the Yucatan Peninsula . Sandra Critelli, an amateur photographer, stumbled across the phenomenon while looking for whale sharks.
She said: 'It was an unreal image, very difficult to describe. The surface of the water was covered by warm and different shades of gold and looked like a bed of autumn leaves gently moved by the wind.
'It's hard to say exactly how many there were, but in the range of a few thousand'

'We were surrounded by them without seeing the edge of the school and we could see many under the water surface too. I feel very fortunate I was there in the right place at the right time to experience nature at its best'
Measuring up to 7ft (2.1 meters) from wing-tip to wing-tip, Golden rays are also more prosaically known as cow nose rays.

They have long, pointed pectoral fins that separate into two lobes in front of their high-domed heads and give them a cow-like appearance. Despite having poisonous stingers, they are known to be shy and non-threatening when in large schools.
The population in the Gulf of Mexico migrates, in schools of as many as 10,000, clockwise from western Florida to the Yucatan.

Don't forget to share this with others! Let your friends enjoy the beauty of nature, too!

The effects of Alcohol

2009-01-21T11:21:00.003-06:00

After 6 beers

After 2 glasses of wine

After 2 bottles of wine - Shared of course

After too many margaritas

After 3 Kamikazes

After 7 rum & cokes
Now this is my kind of drink

After 1 large purple haze

After 3 martinis

After 1 bottle of tequila

Love Those TEXAS Girls

2009-01-20T14:26:00.000-06:00

Gotta love those TEXAS girls.

The first man married a woman from OHIO . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from TEXAS. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

IF YOU FIND ANYTHING OFFENDING OR POLITICALLY INCORRECT IN THIS MESSAGE, IT’S PURELY A PRODUCT OF YOUR IMAGINATION AND NOT PUT THERE BY ME.

Wall Street Monkey Business

2009-01-19T09:56:00.002-06:00

Once upon a time a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He next announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars. They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!

Now you have a better understanding of how the WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WILL WORK !!!! It doesn't get much clearer than this................

The Apron

2009-01-10T19:49:00.002-06:00

I don't think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few, it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.
Show this to those who would know,and love,the story about Grandma's aprons. Or it can be a good history lesson for those that have no idea how the apron played a part in our lives.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron.
I don't think I ever caught anything from an apron......
But Love !!

What goes around comes around

2008-12-29T21:54:00.001-06:00

What goes around comes around. The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. "Leave me alone," he growled. To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked. "No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away." The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone." Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked. "No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?" The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?" "See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile." "Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything." "This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it." Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived. The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this? Is this man in trouble?" "This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered. "Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business." Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go, I didn't want to come here in the first place." The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?" "Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms." "And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?" "What business is that of yours?" "I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company." "Oh." The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?" "No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty." "Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?" "Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice." The cafeteria manager turned on his heel, "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer." The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said. "That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this." She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently, "Jack, do you remember me?" Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes, "I think so I mean you do look familiar." "I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry." "Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry. "I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat." Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for some thing to eat. I said that it was against company policy." "I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I knew then that everything would be all right." "So you started your own business?" Old Jack said. "I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business, that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you." There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you?" he said. "Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus. He led me to you." Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said. "On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And thank you for the coffee." If you have missed knowing me, you have missed nothing. If you have missed some of my emails, you might have missed a laugh. But, if you have missed knowing my LORD and SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, you have missed everything in the world. Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always. And don't forget that when you 'cast your bread upon the waters,' you never know how it will be returned to you. (Hope this is repeated many times today!) God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.

I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS

2008-12-21T22:28:00.001-06:00

This really is exceptional!!!

I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her. On the way, my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted .... "Ridiculous! Don't believe it! That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."
"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked. I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.

"Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything. As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for. I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church.

I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class. Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat. I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down."Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk. Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going." I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma.

Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes. That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what Grandma said they were: ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team. I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...And may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

YOU CAN’T STEAL MY CHRISTMAS OR MY JOY

2008-12-20T23:26:00.003-06:00

To continue on the path of the Christmas spirit a friend of mine gladly passed this around so I decided to send it around also but added a few words to the first and last line about your joy. I hope everyone has a safe,blessed, healthy Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone.

YOU CAN’T STEAL MY CHRISTMAS OR MY JOY

I don’t know who they are
Saying I can’t greet the crowd
The way that I want to
Can’t say CHRISTMAS out loud.

I walk into a business place
See things that I rather not see
But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
And ask for a ‘holiday’ tree.

What happened to freedom of speech
And living in the land of the free
How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
But can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.

Men and women have given their lives
So we could still go free
I wonder how they would feel
At saying ‘HOLIDAY’ TREE.

Come on AMERICA let’s wake up
Don’t let our freedom escape
If they get by with doing this
What else will they take.

This is starting to get out of hand,
And I’ve begun to keep track
Well I’ve just about had enough
I’M TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK.

So MERRY CHRISTMAS AMERICA
I hope this gets all over the net
If we all stand united and take freedom back
‘Twill be our best CHRISTMAS YET!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY AND DON'T LET ANYTHING STEAL YOUR JOY
UPDATE: I wanted to make sure that this poem is being given credit to Sharon for writing such a great poem and wanted to make sure all knew who to credit for the poem.
http://www.geocities.com/sosstop2/stealchristmas.html

Christmas Lights 2008

2008-12-19T22:04:00.003-06:00

Today is a visual post of what is becoming a tradition of sorts with my granddaughter. There is a family that owns a large portion of a cul-d-sac and lavishly decorates for Christmas. We go by there every year, when my daughter told me about this place, when my granddaughter was two. She is five now and we are really beginning to have fun going back every year. I hope you enjoy the photos as much as we do taking them. You can tell she is getting to be a smiling prankster in some photos. Click on each photo to see the full view.

World Christmas Trees

2008-12-18T23:39:00.002-06:00

For the best time of year in my opinion, Christmas, I dedicate this post to everyone that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. Some of these trees are so beautiful, I could look at them all year. I hope you enjoy them and always remember the true reason for the season.
1.Before the ball drops in Times Square , the Big Apple turns on its
holiday charm with the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.

2.The Capitol Christmas tree in Washington , D.C. , is decorated with 3,000
ornaments that are the handiwork of U.S. schoolchildren. Encircling
evergreens in the 'Pathway of Peace' represent the 50 U.S. states.

3. The world's largest Christmas tree display rises up the slopes
of Monte Ingino outside of Gubbio, in Italy 's Umbria region.
Composed of about 500 lights connected by 40,000 feet of wire,
the 'tree' is a modern marvel for an ancient city

4.A Christmas tree befitting Tokyo 's nighttime neon display is
projected onto the exterior of the Grand Prince Hotel Akasaka.

5.Illuminating the Gothic facades of Prague's Old Town Square,
and casting its glow over the manger display of the famous
Christmas market, is a grand tree cut in the Sumava mountains
in the southern Czech Republic.

6.Venice 's Murano Island renowned throughout the world
for its quality glasswork is home to the tallest glass tree
in the world. Sculpted by master glass blower Simone
Cenedese, the artistic Christmas tree is a modern
reflection of the holiday season.

7.Moscow celebrates Christmas according to the Russian Orthodox
calendar on Jan. 7. For weeks beforehand, the city is alive with
festivities in anticipation of Father Frost's arrival on his magical
troika with the Snow Maiden. He and his helper deliver gifts under the New Year tree, or yolka, which is traditionally a fir.

8.The largest Christmas tree in Europe (more than 230 feet tall)
can be found in the Prado Comio in Lisbon ,Portugal.
Thousands of lights adorn the tree, adding to the special
enchantment of the city during the holiday season.

9.'Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree': Even in its humblest attire,
aglow beside a tiny chapel in Germany 's Karwendel mountains,
a Christmas tree is a wondrous sight.

10.Ooh la la Galeries Lafayette! In Paris , even the Christmas trees are chic.
With its monumental, baroque dome, plus 10 stories of lights and
high fashion, it's no surprise this show-stopping department store draws
more visitors than the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower.

11.In addition to the Vatican 's heavenly evergreen, St. Peter's Square
in Rome hosts a larger-than-life nativity scene in front of the obelisk.

12.The Christmas tree that greets revelers at the Puerta del Sol
is dressed for a party. Madrid 's two-week celebration makes
millionaires along with merrymakers. On Dec. 22, a lucky citizen
will win El Gordo (the fat one), the world's biggest lottery.

13.A token of gratitude for Britain 's aid during World War II,
the Christmas tree in London 's Trafalgar Square has been
the annual gift of the people of Norway since 1947.

14.Drink a glass of gluhwein from the holiday market at the Romer
Frankfurt's city hall since 1405 and enjoy a taste of Christmas past.

15.Against a backdrop of tall, shadowy firs, a rainbow trio of
Christmas trees lights up the night (location unknown).

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffles us.
What in the world do leaping lords, French hens,
swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?
From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.
-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership and Mercy.
-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.
-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.
So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now you know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol...so pass it on.

Merry (Twelve Days of) Christmas Everyone

WHY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP

2008-12-16T09:22:00.003-06:00

WHY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man, only has 2 balls and they consume all his thoughts.

Vicks Vapo Rub PSA

2008-12-09T10:14:00.003-06:00

Today I am posting a PSA. With the cold and flu season here I wanted to spread the word on something a friend sent me. I will admit I haven't tried it yet but it sounded like something that works. Here it is for everyone to try.
During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can 'taste' it.
Some of us have used Vicks Vapo rub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this. And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why. To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks Vapo rub generously on the bottom of the feet at bedtime, then cover with socks. Even persistent, heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong prescription cough medicines In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.
Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemical makeup of these strong drugs so, I listened. It was a surprise finding and found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bedtime, in addition to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.
My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes and believe me, this was a deep, ( incredibly annoying!) every few seconds uncontrollable cough, and she slept cough-free for hours every night that she used it.
If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be absolutely amazed at how it works
DON'T SHUN THIS ONE.. TRY IT THE NEXT TIME YOU GET A BAD COLD

Billy Graham and the speed trap

2008-12-07T22:50:00.001-06:00

Sometimes religious emails are better than some of the funny ones we get and pass on....

Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver. 'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?' The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.' Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap. The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. He told the supervisor, I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... But I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.' The supervisor asked, Is it the governor?' The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.' The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more important than that.' The supervisor finally asked, Well then, who is it?' The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!' Smile - God loves you! I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today; to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way God's love is always with you, God's promises are true. And when you give God all your cares, you know God will see you through.

LOOKING AT PEOPLE YOUR OWN AGE

2008-12-06T12:00:00.002-06:00

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL.... YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .
YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED , 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT FART GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-GUN ASKED,

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???'

Redneck Christmas Tree

2008-11-30T09:00:00.003-06:00

Today is one of my visual post and wanted to find out if everyone got their tree up? If you didn't here is an idea for your tree maybe we can put it in the yard as decorations.

Hunting Texas Style

2008-11-29T09:50:00.003-06:00

This is how you hunt in Texas. :)
Texas Hunting Vehicle...

And then they hunt from these:
TEXAS DEER STAND
Now This Is A Deer Stand!

PC Bedroom Slippers

2008-11-28T08:56:00.002-06:00

Barry Obama and Al Gore would love my gift idea this year so I am going with it since I really won't have much money left after they get a hold of it. :)
My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year.
I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes.
You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

Oh come on! LAUGH out loud with me! This is too good!

From The People of Texas

2008-11-24T22:56:00.002-06:00

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action since Obama won president over McCain. We'll miss you too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Elect Barack Obama President of the United States. (All 49 states.)

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (We will control the space industry.)

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry. (We have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT Texas, A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, Ivy grows better in the south anyway

9. We have a ready supply of workers. (Just open the border when we need some)

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and lets not forget seafood from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only Mr. Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Gore has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Signed, The People in Texas

Have a nice day!

Fellow Business Executives

2008-11-18T21:54:00.003-06:00

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%, but since we cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to them.
Sincerely, Bob

Newspaper Headlines

2008-11-17T11:21:00.001-06:00

1.)Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
2.)Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
3.)Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
4.)Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
5.)Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
6.)Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
7.)War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
8.)If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
9.)Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
10.)Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
11.)Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
Oklahoma 's construction program!
12.)Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge
13.)New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
14.)Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
15.)Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
16.)Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
17.)Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
18.)And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Astonishing Creatures

2008-11-14T08:46:00.002-06:00

ALPACA

ANGORA RABBIT

Axolotl

Aye-aye

Blobfish

Dumbo Octopus

Emperor Tamarin

Frill-necked Lizard

Hagfish

Komondor Dog

Narwhal

Pink Fairy Armadillo

Proboscis Monkey

Pygmy Marmoset

Red Panda

Shoebill

Sloth

Star-nosed Mole

Sucker-footed Bat

Sun Bear

Tapir

Tarsier

White-faced Saki Monkey

Yeti Crab

then there's you and me the most astonishing of them all.

THE STATUE ON VETERANS DAY

2008-11-11T20:40:00.002-06:00

This was sent to me from my cousin Cheryl, she got it from our Uncle Bill who is one of the 2 surviving members of the 70th Air Force Bomb Squadron from WWII....(still working as a Land man at 85!) I had called him to thank him for his Service to our country & for fighting for our freedom---he's my Hero, as are ALL of our Troops around the world!! God Bless our Soldiers!

THE STATUE
This statue currently stands outside the Iraqi palace,now home to the 4th Infantry division. It will eventually be shipped home and put in the Memorial museum in Fort Hood , TX. The statue was created by an Iraqi artist named Kalat, who for years was forced by Saddam Hussein to make the many hundreds of bronze busts of Saddam that dotted Baghdad. Kalat was so grateful for the American liberation of his country,he melted 3 of the heads of the fallen Saddam and made the statue as a memorial to the American soldiers and their fallen warriors. Kalat Worked on this memorial night and day for several months. To the left of the kneeling soldier is a small Iraqi girl giving the soldier comfort as he mourns the loss of his comrades in arms. Do you know why we don't hear about this in the news? Because it is heart warming and praiseworthy. The media avoids it because it does not have the proper shock effect.

Lena and Ole

2008-11-08T07:36:00.002-06:00

Lena is pregnant with Ole's child. Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, I tink it's time!'
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A son! Ain't dat great!'
Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished vet!' The doctor den held up a little girl. He said, 'Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!' She's a pretty little ting, too.'
Ole got kind of puzzled by this, an then the doctor said, 'Holey Moley, Ole we still ain't done vet!' The doctor then delivered another boy and said, Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!'
Ole was flabbergasted by this news!
A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine.
He was real serious and he asked Lena, 'How come we got tree on the first try?'
Lena said, 'You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the barn and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?'
Ole said, 'Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a dam good ting I didn't get the WD-40 !!!!!!

Lucky Dog

2008-11-01T19:16:00.002-05:00

Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one! Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.' Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing. Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys. Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box. It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease . . . in fact, she was just sure it was fatal. She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her . . . what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him. The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death. The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable. Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap. Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed. When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered,literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life. He had covered her with his love. Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky? He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure. Remember . . . live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing from God. And never forget . . . the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care for us. If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer. Amen
In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer or is still living with it.

OBama and his leak

2008-11-01T08:25:00.000-05:00

Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it. Joe drives to Obama's house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood where it's obvious that all the residents make well over $250,000 per year. Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it's an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.Obama asks Joe how much it will cost. Joe immediately says, "$9,500."
"$9,500?" Obama asks, stunned. "But you said it's an easy repair!""Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than
$250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free," explains Joe. "It's always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It's known as 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act of 2008.' Surprised you haven't heard of it, senator." In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves. Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe's price, Obama does nothing. The leak under Obama's sink goes without repair for the next several days. A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there's a risk that the room will flood, so Obama
calls Joe and pleads with him to return. Joe goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says "Let's see â?" this will cost you about $21,000." "A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!" Obama quickly fires back. Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. "Well, because of the 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act,' a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing I'm doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day. "Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work from the group of people who get it for free has skyrocketed, and there's a long waiting list of those who need repairs. This has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, and they're not being replaced â?"nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they won't make any money. I'm hurting now too â?" all thanks to greedy
rich people like you who won't pay their fair share." Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: "Of course you're hurting, Joe! Don't you get it? If all the rich people learn how to fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people for your services, you'll be broke, and then what will you do?" Joe immediately replies, "Run for president, I guess.

Twas the night before elections

2008-10-31T08:54:00.002-05:00

Today is the last day to early vote here in Houston, Texas and in the Christmas spirit here is a poem I got from a friend and thought I would make one last appeal before this country changes to socialism if OBamBam gets elected..................

'Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!

I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!

'On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi'
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
......author, unknown

Sack Lunch

2008-10-27T11:03:00.002-05:00

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat.
It was going to be a long flight. "I'm glad I have a good book to read.
Perhaps I will get a short nap," I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the
Vacant seats, totally surrounding me I decided to start a conversation. "Where are you headed?" I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

"Chicago - to Great Lakes Base. We'll be there for two weeks for special training,
And then we're being deployed to Iraq " After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached Chicago, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy
Lunch. "No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch.
Probably wou ldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to Chicago

His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I
Walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar
Bill. "Take a lunch to all those soldiers." She grabbed my arms and
Squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. "My
Son was a soldier in Iraq; it's almost like you are doing it for him." ;

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated.
She stopped at my seat and asked, "Which do you like best - beef or chicken?"

"Chicken," I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of
Plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.
"This is your thanks." After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. "I saw what you did. I want to be part
Of it. Here, take this." He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle,
Looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me,
But noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane.
When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, an said, "I want to
Shake your hand."

Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a
Booming voice he said, "I was a soldier and I was a military pilot.
Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never
Forgot." I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the
Passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was
Seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake
Mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.

When we landed in Chicago I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting
Just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my
Shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another
Twenty-five dollars!

Soon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the
Base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars.
"It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a
Sandwich. God Bless You."

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow
Travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their
Safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I
Could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little...

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America " for an amount of "up to and including my life." That is Honor, and there are way too many people in This country who no longer understand it."

The day we lose our will to fight is the day we lose our freedom.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

All My Love

2008-10-24T08:34:00.001-05:00

All My Love

I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished
with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

The 19 Cardinal Rules Of Driving In Houston

2008-10-23T12:18:00.001-05:00

The 19 Cardinal Rules Of Driving In Houston

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. (Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.)

2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle so never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you’re going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation./Sawdust/Rayford Rd northbound feeder red light is prime example, trust me. ST

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit. /always wait 10 seconds after your light turns green. Trust me. ST

5. The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way. (Remember no-fault insurance. He might not have as much to lose as you do.)

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.

8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Houston look progressive.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged; that’s why they’re paved.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.

11. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you’re lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Houston is the home of the very high-speed slalom driving thanks to Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT), who put potholes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways where potholes haven’t yet been established.

15. It is considered correct in Houston to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.

16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.

17. Giving the finger may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window and visible rather than lying on the seat.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19. You don’t have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify TxDOT where exits should have been built.

Hope this helps!

Halloween costumes

2008-10-21T05:49:00.002-05:00

Today is a visual post for my dog and all the pets in the world. I hope you enjoy them.

Sarah Palin

2008-10-20T11:20:00.002-05:00

1.) Question: What is America's first line of missile interceptor defense that protects the entire United States?

Answer: 49th Missile Defense Battalion of Alaska National Guard.

2.) Question: What is the ONLY National Guard unit on permanent active duty?

Answer: 49th Missile Defense Battalion of Alaska National Guard

3.) Question: Who is the Commander in Chief of the 49th Missile Defense Battalion of Alaska National Guard?

Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska

4.) Question: What U.S. governor is routinely briefed on highly classified military issues, homeland security, and counter terrorism?

Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska

5.) Question: What U.S. governor has a higher classified security rating than either candidate of the Democrat Party?

Answer: Governor Sarah Palin, Alaska

This is a P.S. to #5

I agree with that assessment except for the thought that her access to classified material may rival Biden's. Highly unlikely as Biden's seat on the Foreign Relations committee would expose him to information on a very wide array of topics. But her experience in keeping the homeland safe fits perfectly with her image as the competent American woman.It's not the same as having your finger on the button, but it a heckuva lot closer than Biden or Barry O has ever been.

According to the Washington Post, she first met with McCain in February, but nobody ever found out. This is a woman used to keeping secrets. She can be entrusted with our national security, because she already is.

An impassioned letter from a 'nobody'

2008-10-19T23:51:00.002-05:00

I got this letter by email from a friend and I just had to post it since he was so passionate about his beliefs and I could not of said it any better. I hope people stop for a moment and read it and do something different for a change in their lives and get everyone to go out and vote. Don't stay home thinking everyone else will vote there is no reason for me to vote. PLEASE don't think that this time. I honestly believe this election will change OUR LIVES.
An impassioned letter from a 'nobody'.
A letter from Illinois

Dear Friends:

My name is Joe Porter. I live in Champaign , Illinois . I'm 46 years old, a born-again Christian, a husband, a father, a small business owner, a veteran, and a homeowner. I don't consider myself to be either conservative or liberal, and I vote for the person, not Republican or Democrat. I don't believe there are 'two Americas ' - but that every person in this country can be whomever and whatever they want to be if they'll just work to get there - and nowhere else on earth can they find such opportunities. I believe our government should help those who are legitimately downtrodden, and should always put the interests of America first. The purpose of this message is that I'm concerned about the future of this great nation. I'm worried that the silent majority of honest, hard-working, tax-paying people in this country have been passive for too long. Most folks, I know choose not to involve themselves in politics. They go about their daily lives, paying their bills, raising their kids, and doing what they can to maintain the good life. They vote and consider doing so to be a sacred trust. They shake their heads at the political pundits and so-called 'news', thinking that what they hear is always spun by whomever is reporting it. They can't understand how elected officials can regularly violate the public trust with pork barrel spending. They don't want government handouts. They want the government to protect them, not raise their taxes for more government programs.
We are in the unique position in this country of electing our leaders. It's a privilege to do so. I've never found a candidate in any election with whom I agreed on everything. I'll wager that most of us don't even agree with our families or spouses 100% of the time. So when I step into that voting booth, I always try to look at the big picture and cast my vote for the man or woman who is best qualified for the job. I've hired a lot of people in my lifetime, and essentially that's what an election is - a hiring process. Who has the credentials? Whom do I want working for me? Whom can I trust to do the job right? I'm concerned that a growing number of voters in this country simply don't get it. They are caught up in a fervor they can't explain, and calling it 'change'. 'Change what?', I ask. 'Well, we're going to change America ', they say. 'In what way?', I query. 'We want someone new and fresh in the White House', they exclaim. 'So, someone who's not a politician?', I say. 'Uh, well, no, we just want a lot of stuff changed, so we're voting for Obama', they state. 'So the current system, the system of freedom and democracy that has enabled a man to grow up in this great country, get a fine education, raise incredible amounts of money and dominate the news and win his party's nomination for the White House - that system's all wrong?' 'No, no, that part of the system's okay - we just need a lot of change.' And so it goes. 'Change we can believe in.' Quite frankly, I don't believe that vague proclamations of change hold any promise for me. In recent months, I've been asking virtually everyone I encounter how they're voting. I live in Illinois , so most folks tell me they're voting for Barack Obama. But no one can really tell me why - only that he's going to change a lot of stuff. 'Change, change, change.' I have yet to find one single person who can tell me distinctly and convincingly why this man is qualified to be President and Commander-in-Chief of the most powerful nation on earth - other than the fact that he claims he's going to implement a lot of change.We've all seen the emails about Obama's genealogy, his upbringing, his Muslim background, and his church affiliations. Let's ignore this for a moment. Put it all aside. Then ask yourself, 'What qualifies this man to be my president? That he's a brilliant orator and talks about change?' CHANGE WHAT? Friends, I'll be forthright with you - I believe the American voters who are supporting Barack Obama don't have a clue what they're doing, as evidenced by the fact that not one of them - NOT ONE of them I've spoken to can spell out his qualifications. Not even the most liberal media can explain why he should be elected. Political experience? Negligible. Foreign relations? Non-existent. Achievements? Name one. Someone who wants to unite the country? If you haven't read his wife's thesis from Princeton , look it up on the web. This is who's lining up to be our next First Lady? The only thing I can glean from Obama's constant harping about change is that we're in for a lot of new taxes. For me, the choice is clear. I've looked carefully at the two leading applicants for the job, and I've made my choice. Here's a question - 'Where were you five and a half years ago? Around Christmas, 2002. You've had five or six birthdays in that time. My son has grown from a sixth grade child to a high school graduate. Five and a half years is a good chunk of time. About 2,000 days. 2,000 nights of sleep. 6, 000 meals, give or take.' John McCain spent that amount of time, from 1967 to 1973, in a North Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp. When offered early release, he refused it. He considered this offer to be a public relations stunt by his captors, and insisted that those held longer than he should be released first. Did you get that part? He was offered his freedom, and he turned it down. A regimen of beatings and torture began. Do you possess such strength of character? Locked in a filthy cell in a foreign country, would you turn down your own freedom in favor of your fellow man? I submit that's a quality of character that is rarely found, and for me, this singular act defines John McCain. Unlike several presidential candidates in recent years whose military service is questionable or non-existent, you will not find anyone to denigrate the integrity and moral courage of this man. A graduate of Annapolis, during his Naval service he received the Silver Star, Bronze Star, Purple Heart and Distinguished Flying Cross. His own son is now serving in the Marine Corps in Iraq . Barack Obama is fond of saying 'We honor John McCain's service...BUT...', which to me is condescending and offensive - because what I hear is, 'Let's forget this man's sacrifice for his country and his proven leadership abilities, and talk some more about change.' I don't agree with John McCain on everything - but I am utterly convinced that he is qualified to be our next President, and I trust him to do what's right. I know in my heart that he has the best interests of our country in mind. He doesn't simply want to be President - he wants to lead America , and there's a huge difference. Factually, there is simply no comparison between the two candidates. A man of questionable background and motives who prattles on about change can't hold a candle to a man who has devoted his life in public service to this nation, retiring from the Navy in 1981 and elected to the Senate in 1982. Perhaps Obama's supporters are taking a stance between old and new. Maybe they don't care about McCain's service or his strength of character, or his unblemished qualifications to be President. Maybe 'likeability' is a higher priority for them than 'trust'. Being a prisoner of war is not what qualifies John McCain to be President of the United States of America - but his demonstrated leadership certainly DOES. Dear friends, it is time for us to stand. It is time for thinking Americans to say, 'Enough.' It is time for people of all parties to stop following the party line. It is time for anyone who wants to keep America first, who wants the right man leading their nation, to start a dialogue with all their friends and neighbors and ask who they're voting for, and why. There's a lot of evil in this world. That should be readily apparent to all of us by now. And when faced with that evil as we are now, I want a man who knows the cost of war on his troops and on his citizens. I want a man who puts my family's interests before any foreign country.
I want a President who's qualified to lead.
I want my country back, and I'm voting for John McCain.

Cat and bird as best friends

2008-10-17T11:28:00.003-05:00

Today I am posting a visual post and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. This couple is so cute.

Why did my son have to die

2008-10-14T11:47:00.003-05:00

A mother asked this President...
'Why did my son have to die in Iraq?'

A mother asked this President...
'Why did my son have to die in Saudi Arabia?

A mother asked this President..
Why did my son have to die in Kuwait?'

Another mother asked this President...
Why did my son have to die in Vietnam?'

Another mother asked this President...
Why did my son have to die in Korea ?'

Another mother asked this President..
Why did my son have to die on Iwo Jima?'

Another mother asked President...
'Why did my son have to die on a battlefield in France?'

Yet another mother asked President...
'Why did my son have to die at Gettysburg?

And yet another mother asked President..
'Why did my son have to die on a frozen field near Valley Forge ?'

Then long, long ago, a mother asked...

'Heavenly Father . why did my Son have to die on a cross outside of Jerusalem ?'

The answer is always the same... 'So others may live and dwell in peace, happiness, and freedom.'

BODY STATISTICS

2008-10-12T20:32:00.001-05:00

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

Democratic Party Wildlife

2008-10-08T11:32:00.001-05:00

The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect wildlife in the US.

Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party... as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.

Children's Science Exam Answers

2008-10-07T14:48:00.001-05:00

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers!

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: [ A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome .

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

EVOLUTION

2008-10-05T20:46:00.001-05:00

EVOLUTION:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corp orate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that they will show it immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to yank their chain

Hurricane Education

2008-10-04T06:23:00.003-05:00

With Hurricane Ike coming through my front and back yard here in Houston Texas and being without power for 13 days and without cable and internet for 21 days I have learned a lot during that time and here are just a few things I have learned. I hope you enjoy this small lesson. :)
Hurricane Education: What I've learned during our last hurricane . . .

1. Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

2. No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work without
electricity.

3. My car gets 23.21675 miles per gallon, EXACTLY (you can ask the people
in line who helped me push it).

4. Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in
their hand.

5. Cats are even more irritating without power.

6. He who has the biggest generator wins.

7. Women can actually survive without doing their hair- you just wish they
weren't around you.

8. A new method of non-lethal torture- showers without hot water.

9. There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

10. TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful.

11. A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz Budweiser's to a drinkable
temperature in 11 minutes, a nd still keep a 14 lb. turkey frozen for 8 more
hours.

12. There are a lot of dang trees around here.

13. Flood plane drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously wrong..

14. Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, is definitely not
required.

15. Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14
generators.

16. People will get into a line that has already formed without having any
idea what the line is for.

17. When required, a Lincoln Continental will float, doesn't steer well but
floats just the same.

18. Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing.

19. Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the
battery remains charged.

20. 27 of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you, and
they are quick to point that out!

21. Hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

22. If my store sold only ice, chainsaws , gas and generators... I'd be
rich.

23. Price of a can of soup rises 200% in a storm.

24. Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing
hole.

25. Tree service companies are under appreciated.

26. I learned what happens when you make fun of another states' blackout.

27. MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30%
higher electric bill ?????

28. Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry" part and it's
worthless.

29. I can walk a lot farther than I thought.

A faithless man

2008-09-02T21:32:00.004-05:00

Today I post a comment that a good friend of mine made and I thought it was a wonderful reminder of how Christians believe and think. AW may blessings pour out over you and your family for renewing my spirit that I have in my Lord and Jesus and the person I call DAD in my prayers.

A faithless man finds hypocrisy in actions and words Christians consider part of their life. A faithless man cries hypocrisy when we sinners fail to be perfect. We are imperfect. Faith carries, supports, guides, those of us who know we are His children, and tho imperfect, ,when we acknowledge our weakness, we are forgiven. It is useless to argue with those whose words come not from understanding of God’s love, but from a deep distrust and loss of Faith. Just know prayer, asking for guidance, faith are the right path. Fools believe there is no power but the self.

Test for Dementia

2008-08-31T09:16:00.002-05:00

Test for Dementia
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready? GO!!! (look down)

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are
second!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (look down)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?
You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000.. Now add 10. What is the total?
Look down for answer.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe.

Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary . Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.

Office Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings PSA

2008-08-30T08:30:00.002-05:00

With Hurricane Gustav bearing down on the Texas and Louisiana coast, I continue my PSA announcements with this installment.

Office Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings

As we watch the progress of the storm, the following are the firm's guidelines based upon the hurricane's intensity:

Hurricane Category #1
No excuse for being late. Leave earlier to give extra time to avoid fallen trees and limbs.

Hurricane Category #2
Due to the horizontal rain, you may wear jeans.

Hurricane Category #3
Whereas most of the area will be flooded we suggest you avoid wearing open toe sandals when coming to work. Canoes will be
provided to get to the building safely without getting wet.

Hurricane Category #4
More than likely there will be no electricity. Given that, we will have manual typewriters available to all staff members. Please take extra caution and wear water-proof make-up if Category 4 or above.

Hurricane Category #5
Velcro will be provided to keep you attached to your chairs when the windows blow out. For those that survive, we will have chocolate cake at 3:00 pm in the cafeteria.

Texas the one and only Part Two

2008-08-28T17:13:00.001-05:00

U R A Texan if:

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine , Decatur , Wichita Falls , San Antonio, Burnet, Boerne, Nacogdoches, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.

2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

3. You've ever had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

6. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

7. You measure distance in minutes.

8. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit

11. You know cow-pies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

15. Your 'place at the lake' has wheels under it.

16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford F350 4x4 is.

17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'.

18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

19. You actually understand this and you are 'fixin' to' show it to your friends.

20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
' You wanna coke?' 'Yeah.'
'What kind?' 'Dr. Pepper.'

Fema Hurricane Season PSA

2008-08-26T11:02:00.003-05:00

Today I continue my PSA information, with this one being a joke, it makes me wonder how many of these would be sent out and how many would be denied one. ROFL.
Now that hurricane season is here, be prepared.

I was ready to call FEMA and get mine.
Then I noticed the fine print (sigh)

PSA- Five Things Your Cell Phone Can Do

2008-08-23T13:02:00.002-05:00

Today I am posting a PSA so all of the public will be informed and enlightened.

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do!

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.)

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:
FIRST - Universal Emergency #

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!

THIRD - Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you
charge your cell phone next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that who ever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

And Finally....
FIFTH - Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:
(800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so
Pass it on to your family and friends.

Sunday's Funnies

2008-08-21T10:28:00.002-05:00

LOT 'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy
looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly,
'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw
up.'

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark?'
'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'

HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how
powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher
Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'
One child blurted out, 'Aces!'

MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday
School.
'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses on a mission to lead
the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his
army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then
he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up
the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'
'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his mother asked
'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe it!'

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of
the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters
a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task -
but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could
barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of
the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and
that's all I need to know.'

UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused
and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she
asked him why.
'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
messages.
'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'
'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.

BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your
prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'
The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'

UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from
one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into
silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a
thing?'
Tommy answered, soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He
did!'

TIME TO PRAY

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
'Yes, sir,' the boy replied.
'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kerri, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every
family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kerri would
say, 'And all girls.'
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My
curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kerri, why do you always
add the part about all girls?'
Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying
'All Men'!'

SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was
being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating
right away.
'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.
'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before
eating at our house.'
'That's at our house,' Johnny explained, 'but this is Grandma's house and
she knows how to cook!'

FOR HOT WOMEN ONLY

2008-08-19T22:45:00.001-05:00

FOR HOT WOMEN ONLY!!!

If you are HOT and you know it....Continue reading…..

If you are not, please close your browser……..

There....... Isn't that better?
Have a Great Day!

QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

2008-08-19T18:38:00.001-05:00

"I don't mind coming to work,
but that eight - hour wait to go home
is a Killer."

Mensa Invitational

2008-08-17T15:46:00.001-05:00

Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The ozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house or car, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

…and the #1 pick…and my personal favorite…

17. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an a$$hole.

The Wooden Bowl

2008-08-15T22:41:00.001-05:00

The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week
from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in- law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather' s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in- law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in Grandfather' s direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work . The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather' s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life". I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
NOTICE AT THE END, THE DATE
THE CANDLE WAS STARTED.
GONNA GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.
I am not going to be the one who
lets it die. I found it believable --
angels have walked beside me
all my life--and they still do.
************ *********
This is to all of you who mean something to me,
I pray for your happiness.
The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship

()
|---|
|---|
|---|

This candle was lit on the
15th of September, 1998.
Someone who loves you has helped
keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope
and Friendship die! Pass It On To All
Of Your Friends and Everyone You Love!
May God richly bless you!

Please keep this candle alive

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may
not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

CHOCOLATE SINGS

2008-08-15T16:46:00.001-05:00

One day I had a date for lunch with friends. Mae, a little old 'blue hair' about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all, a pleasant bunch. When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, 'Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate.' I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. 'Along with heated apple pie,' Mae added, completely unabashed.
We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time. But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine. I couldn't take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down. The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and frowned. The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae. I lunched on white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait. I smiled. She asked if she amused me.
I answered, 'Yes, you do, but also you confuse me. How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible? She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, 'I'm tasting all that is possible.'
I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven't been this old before.' 'So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I had ignored. I haven't smelled all the flower s yet. There are too many books I haven't read. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead. There are many malls I haven't shopped. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes. I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most. I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel win d in my hair. I want to fall in love again. So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired.' With that, I called the waitress over... 'I've changed my mind, ' I said.
'I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!' We need an annual Friends Day! Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy. Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we love and respect. Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE SINGS!

Abbott and Costello

2008-08-13T06:29:00.001-05:00

Abbott and Costello, buying a computer,

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Window’s.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’

SHOPPING AT WALMART - BY AGE

2008-08-12T10:39:00.002-05:00

SHOPPING AT WALMART - BY AGE

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart toget something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running
the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in you pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

Blue Angels

2008-08-08T08:44:00.002-05:00

After leaving VP47 in 1967, I was the
Admin Chief for the Blue Angels...
Chief Flora, retired USN...
Enjoy the pictures...

We see strength in our Military and sadly, we see the Twin Towers.
Something I never want to forget.

Niagara Falls... so beautiful.

I wonder who wins this battle? Ha

Anyone know the name of the old sailing vessel? What a beauty, not many left.

Blue Angels over San Francisco Bay . Watch for Alcatraz prison.

Too Close for me... Backoff Buddy.

ALCATRAZ AND FRISCO BAY

BIG BIRD COMMING IN FOR A LANDING??? ALCATRAZ OR WHATS LEFT OF IT...

(JATO) TAKE OFF... YOU SHOULD SEE THAT AT NIGHT. EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE.

Navy and Marines, working together...

I THINK THEY CALL THIS "SHORT ROLL TAKE-OFF". KINDA CLOSE I"D SAY...

LOOK, DISNEY WORLD COMING UP...

FANTASTIC PICTURE... HOW DO THEY DO IT?

ALL FOR ONE, AND ONE FOR ALL. MAJOR NERVE CONTROL HERE... WOW SO IMPRESSIVE...

Bill of NON-Rights

2008-08-05T09:22:00.001-05:00

We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other constant bed-wetters.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do NOT have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .. (This one is my pet peeve…get an education and go to work….don’t expect everyone else to take care of you!)
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others! If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly….)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

Obamamobile

2008-08-03T00:32:00.002-05:00

Would you enjoy riding in the Obamamobile?
Official Democrat Party campaign car designed exactly the way Obama lays out his message.

'A NEW DIRECTION'
You figure it out. I have a headache

Texas the one and only

2008-08-02T09:39:00.002-05:00

When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like,
"Do you have any cows?"
"Do you have horses?"
"Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?"
"Do you own any oil wells?"

They all want to know if you've been to Southfork? They watched Dallas

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second that picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it they know what it is, It's Texas!
Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is! What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You might get it maybe after a second or two, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

In every man, woman and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride off in a pickup. There is some little bit of Texas in everyone.
Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, "Wow so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?" Do you know why? Because there's no place like Texas!

Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom!

We send our kids to schools named William B Travis and James Bowie and Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes, John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas!

Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto.

Texas is "Juneteenth" and Texas Independence Day.

Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest.

Texas is breathtaking mountains in the Big Bend.

Texas is the unparalleled beauty of bluebonnet fields in the Texas Hill Country.

Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast of South Texas

Texas is the shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.

Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork.

Texas is Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico.

Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, the Ballpark in Arlington and the Astrodome.

Texas is larger-than-life legends like Michael DeBakey, Denton Cooley, Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, Kris Kristofferson, Tom Landry, Darrell Royal, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Sam Rayburn, George Bush, Lyndon B Johnson, and George W Bush.

Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq And LOCKHEED MARTIN AEROSPACE, Home of the F-16 Jet Fighter and the JSF Fighter.

Texas is NASA

Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops.

Texas is skies blackened with doves, and fields full of deer.

Texas is a place where towns and cities shut down to watch the local High School Football game on Friday nights and for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, and for the Night In Old San Antonio and their River Parade Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities.

If it isn't in Texas, you probably don't need it.

No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.

By federal law, Texas is the only state in the US that can fly its flag at the same height as the US flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview or anyplace else at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a republic before it became a state!

Also, being a Texan is as high as being an American down here! Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in Washington, DC and we can divide our state into five states at any time if we wanted to! We included these things as part of the deal when we came on! That's the best part, right there!!

Texas even has its own power grid!

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

2008-07-28T15:14:00.001-05:00

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS
(this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have gotten it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

..... PRICELESS

Food Stamp Card

2008-07-24T21:32:00.001-05:00

This is something to think about before you open your mouth when you don't know the circumstances! 'Some people!' snorted a man standing behind me in the long line at the grocery store. 'You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line, 'said a woman. I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw a well dressed, young woman, trying to get the machine to accept her credit card. No matter how many times she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it. It's one of them welfare card things. Damn people need to get a job like everyone else,' said the man standing behind me. The young woman turned around to see who had made the comment. 'It was me,' he said, pointing to himself. The young lady's face began to change expression. Almost in tears, she dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the store. Everyone in the checkout line watched as she began running to her car. Never looking back, she got in and drove away. After developing cancer in 1977 and having had to use food stamps; I had learned never to judge anyone, without knowing the circumstances of their life. This turned out to be the case today. Several minutes later a young man walked into the store. He went up to the cashier and asked if she had seen the woman. After describing her, the cashier told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and drove away. Why would she do that?' asked the man. Everyone in the line looked around at the fellow who had made the statement. 'I made a stupid comment about the welfare card she was using. Something I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry,' said the man. Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was killed in Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken on that responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and now has three children to support,' he said in a very firm voice. I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied, shaking both his hands about. The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to the shopping cart full of groceries. 'It wouldn't take her card,' the clerk told him. Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had made the comment. Yes, she goes to our church.' Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front of the line. He pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier, 'Please use my card. PLEASE!' The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young woman's groceries. Hold on,' said the gentleman. He walked back to his shopping cart and began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. 'Come on people. We got three kids to help raise!' he told everyone in line. Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt. A few customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts. 'Go back and get two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she looked at the man. 'NO,' yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. The entire store became quiet for several seconds. 'Four turkeys,' yelled the man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work. When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the groceries. He then walked over to the side, pulled out his check book, and began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front of the store for a writing surface. He turned around and handed the check to the young man. 'She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,' he told the man. The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is really very generous of you.' 'No,' said the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.' Everyone in the store had been observing the odd commotion and began to clap. And I drove home that day feeling very American. We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!!! Remember our Troops of Yesterday and Today!!! A great example of why we should be kind and patient. Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear. May God's many blessings continue to be with you - ALWAYS!!!

MEDICAL TEST

2008-07-22T22:09:00.003-05:00

MEDICAL TEST
STARE INTO THE CAT'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS...

Then Scroll Down
NOW STARE IN THE PUPPY'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS...

Scroll Down

Your CAT SCAN
and LAB TESTS
are now complete

couldn't resist...

The Man Rules

2008-07-22T08:52:00.000-05:00

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear ' the rules ' from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we
.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Numbers.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Duck Story

2008-07-20T19:17:00.003-05:00

Duck Story
Something really amazing happened in Downtown Spokane this week and I had to share the story with you.
Some of you may know that my brother, Joel, is a loan officer at Sterling Bank. He works downtown in a second story office building, overlooking busy Riverside Avenue. Several weeks ago he watched a mother
duck choose the cement awning outside his window as the uncanny place to build a nest above the sidewalk.
The mallard laid ten eggs in a nest in the corner of the planter that is perched over 10 feet in the air. She dutifully kept the eggs warm for weeks and Monday afternoon all of her nine ducklings hatched.

Joel worried all night how the momma duck was going to get those babies safely off their perch in a busy, downtown, urban environment to take to water, which typically happens in the first 48 hours of a duck hatching. Tuesday morning, Joel came to work and watched the mother duck encourage her babies to the edge of the perch with the intent to show them how to jump off!

The mother flew down below and started quacking to her babies above. In his disbelief Joel watched as the first fuzzy newborn toddled to the edge and astonishingly leapt into thin air, crashing onto the cement below.

My brother couldn't watch how this might play out. He dashed out of his office and ran down the stairs the sidewalk where the first obedient duckling was stuporing near its mother from the near fatal fall.

Joel looked up. The second duckling was getting ready to jump! He quickly dodged under the awning while the mother duck quacked at him and the babies above. As the second one took the plunge, Joel jumped forward
and caught it with his bare hands before it hit the cement. Safe and sound, he set it by the momma and the other stunned sibling, still recovering from its painful leap.
One by one the babies continued to jump to join their anxious family below. Each time Joel hid under the awning just to reach out in the nick of time as the duckling made its free fall. The downtown sidewalk came
to a standstill. Time after time, Joel was able to catch the remaining 7 and set them by their approving mother.

At this point Joel realized the duck family had only made part of its dangerous journey. They had 2 full blocks to walk across traffic, crosswalks, curbs, and pedestrians to get to the closest open water, the Spokane River.
The onlooking office secretaries then joined in, and hurriedly brought an empty copy paper box to collect the babies. They carefully corralled them, with the mother's approval, and loaded them up into the white cardboard
container. Joel held the box low enough for the mom to see her brood. He then slowly navigated through the downtown streets toward the Spokane River, as the mother waddled behind and kept her babies in sight.

As they reached the river, the mother took over and passed him, jumping into the river and quacking loudly.

At the water's edge, the Sterling Bank office staff then tipped the box and helped shepherd the babies toward the water and to their mother after their adventurous ride.

All ten darling ducklings safely made it into the water and paddled up snugly to momma duck. Joel said the mom swam in circles, looking back toward the beaming bank workers, and proudly quacking as if to say,

'See, we did it! Thanks for all the

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