Redneck Christmas Tree

Today is one of my visual post and wanted to find out if everyone got their tree up? If you didn't here is an idea for your tree maybe we can put it in the yard as decorations.

Hunting Texas Style

This is how you hunt in Texas. :)
Texas Hunting Vehicle...




















And then they hunt from these:
TEXAS DEER STAND
Now This Is A Deer Stand!

PC Bedroom Slippers

Barry Obama and Al Gore would love my gift idea this year so I am going with it since I really won't have much money left after they get a hold of it. :)
My dear friends,

Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year.
I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes.
You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....

Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.

Oh come on! LAUGH out loud with me! This is too good!

From The People of Texas

We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action since Obama won president over McCain. We'll miss you too.

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Elect Barack Obama President of the United States. (All 49 states.)

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic Of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (We will control the space industry.)

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry. (We have over 65% of it) The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc, Etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT Texas, A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, Ivy grows better in the south anyway

9. We have a ready supply of workers. (Just open the border when we need some)

10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and lets not forget seafood from the gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic Of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only Mr. Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Gore has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Signed, The People in Texas

Have a nice day!

Fellow Business Executives

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama will be our next President, and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Clients will have to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%, but since we cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been eating at me for a while, as we believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to them.
Sincerely, Bob

Newspaper Headlines

1.)Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
2.)Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
3.)Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
4.)Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
5.)Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
6.)Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
7.)War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
8.)If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
9.)Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
10.)Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
11.)Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
Oklahoma 's construction program!
12.)Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge
13.)New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
14.)Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
15.)Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
16.)Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
17.)Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
18.)And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

Astonishing Creatures

ALPACA

ANGORA RABBIT

Axolotl

Aye-aye

Blobfish

Dumbo Octopus

Emperor Tamarin

Frill-necked Lizard

Hagfish

Komondor Dog


Narwhal

Pink Fairy Armadillo

Proboscis Monkey

Pygmy Marmoset


Red Panda

Shoebill


Sloth

Star-nosed Mole

Sucker-footed Bat

Sun Bear

Tapir

Tarsier

White-faced Saki Monkey

Yeti Crab

then there's you and me the most astonishing of them all.