Test for Dementia

Test for Dementia
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Ready? GO!!! (look down)












First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?




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Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are
second!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?

Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...? (look down)


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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?
You're not very good at this, are you?

Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000.. Now add 10. What is the total?
Look down for answer.....









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Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last question right... Maybe.

Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?







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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary . Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?





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He just has to open his mouth and ask...
It's really very simple.

Office Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings PSA

With Hurricane Gustav bearing down on the Texas and Louisiana coast, I continue my PSA announcements with this installment.

Office Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings

As we watch the progress of the storm, the following are the firm's guidelines based upon the hurricane's intensity:

Hurricane Category #1
No excuse for being late. Leave earlier to give extra time to avoid fallen trees and limbs.

Hurricane Category #2
Due to the horizontal rain, you may wear jeans.

Hurricane Category #3
Whereas most of the area will be flooded we suggest you avoid wearing open toe sandals when coming to work. Canoes will be
provided to get to the building safely without getting wet.

Hurricane Category #4
More than likely there will be no electricity. Given that, we will have manual typewriters available to all staff members. Please take extra caution and wear water-proof make-up if Category 4 or above.

Hurricane Category #5
Velcro will be provided to keep you attached to your chairs when the windows blow out. For those that survive, we will have chocolate cake at 3:00 pm in the cafeteria.

Texas the one and only Part Two

U R A Texan if:

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine , Decatur , Wichita Falls , San Antonio, Burnet, Boerne, Nacogdoches, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.

2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

3. You've ever had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

6. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

7. You measure distance in minutes.

8. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit

11. You know cow-pies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

15. Your 'place at the lake' has wheels under it.

16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford F350 4x4 is.

17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'.

18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

19. You actually understand this and you are 'fixin' to' show it to your friends.

20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:
' You wanna coke?' 'Yeah.'
'What kind?' 'Dr. Pepper.'

Fema Hurricane Season PSA

Today I continue my PSA information, with this one being a joke, it makes me wonder how many of these would be sent out and how many would be denied one. ROFL.
Now that hurricane season is here, be prepared.

I was ready to call FEMA and get mine.
Then I noticed the fine print (sigh)

PSA- Five Things Your Cell Phone Can Do

Today I am posting a PSA so all of the public will be informed and enlightened.

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do!

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.)

There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies. Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things that you can do with it:
FIRST - Universal Emergency #

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to
establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).
Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked our car over a cell phone!

THIRD - Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#. Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you
charge your cell phone next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that who ever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

And Finally....
FIFTH - Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial:
(800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

This is the kind of information people don't mind receiving, so
Pass it on to your family and friends.

Sunday's Funnies

LOT 'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot 's wife looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, 'My Mommy
looked back once while she was driving,' he announced triumphantly,
'and she turned into a telephone pole!'

GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
Samaritan. She asked the class, 'If you saw a person lying on the
roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd throw
up.'

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of
fishing when he was on the Ark?'
'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'


HIGHER POWER

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'We have been learning how
powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher
Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?'
One child blurted out, 'Aces!'


MOSES AND THE RED SEA

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday
School.
'Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses on a mission to lead
the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his
army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then
he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up
the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.'
'Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?' his mother asked
'Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never
believe it!'


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of
the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters
a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task -
but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could
barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of
the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
up to the microphone and said proudly, 'The Lord is my Shepherd, and
that's all I need to know.'


UNANSWERED PRAYER

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused
and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she
asked him why.
'Well, Honey,' he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
messages.
'I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.'
'How come He doesn't answer it?' she asked.


BEING THANKFUL

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your mother says your
prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?'
The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's in bed!'


UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from
one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She pinched him into
silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made you do such a
thing?'
Tommy answered, soberly, 'I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He
did!'


TIME TO PRAY

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
'Yes, sir,' the boy replied.
'And, do you always say them in the morning, too?' the pastor asked.
'No sir,' the boy replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'


ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS

When my daughter, Kerri, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every
family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kerri would
say, 'And all girls.'
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My
curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, 'Kerri, why do you always
add the part about all girls?'
Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying
'All Men'!'


SAY A PRAYER

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was
being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating
right away.
'Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.' said his mother.
'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before
eating at our house.'
'That's at our house,' Johnny explained, 'but this is Grandma's house and
she knows how to cook!'

FOR HOT WOMEN ONLY

FOR HOT WOMEN ONLY!!!

If you are HOT and you know it....Continue reading…..

If you are not, please close your browser……..







There....... Isn't that better?
Have a Great Day!

QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

"I don't mind coming to work,
but that eight - hour wait to go home
is a Killer."

Mensa Invitational

Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year’s winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The ozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house or car, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

…and the #1 pick…and my personal favorite…

17. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an a$$hole.

The Wooden Bowl

The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week
from now, a month from now, a year from now.

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in- law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather' s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in- law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor." So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl! When the family glanced in Grandfather' s direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?"Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work . The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband took Grandfather' s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled. On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life". I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
NOTICE AT THE END, THE DATE
THE CANDLE WAS STARTED.
GONNA GIVE YOU GOOSE BUMPS.
I am not going to be the one who
lets it die. I found it believable --
angels have walked beside me
all my life--and they still do.
************ *********
This is to all of you who mean something to me,
I pray for your happiness.
The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship

()
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This candle was lit on the
15th of September, 1998.
Someone who loves you has helped
keep it alive by sending it to you.
Don't let The Candle of Love, Hope
and Friendship die! Pass It On To All
Of Your Friends and Everyone You Love!
May God richly bless you!

Please keep this candle alive

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may
not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

CHOCOLATE SINGS

One day I had a date for lunch with friends. Mae, a little old 'blue hair' about 80 years old, came along with them---all in all, a pleasant bunch. When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Mae who said, 'Ice Cream, please. Two scoops, chocolate.' I wasn't sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. 'Along with heated apple pie,' Mae added, completely unabashed.
We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time. But when our orders were brought out, I didn't enjoy mine. I couldn't take my eyes off Mae as her pie a-la-mode went down. The other ladies showed dismay. They ate their lunches silently and frowned. The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Mae. I lunched on white meat tuna. She ordered a parfait. I smiled. She asked if she amused me.
I answered, 'Yes, you do, but also you confuse me. How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible? She laughed and said, with wanton mirth, 'I'm tasting all that is possible.'
I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life's so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good. This year I realized how old I was. (She grinned) I haven't been this old before.' 'So, before I die, I've got to try those things that for years I had ignored. I haven't smelled all the flower s yet. There are too many books I haven't read. There's more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead. There are many malls I haven't shopped. I've not laughed at all the jokes. I've missed a lot of Broadway hits and potato chips and cokes. I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most. I haven't cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel win d in my hair. I want to fall in love again. So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I'd say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart's desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired.' With that, I called the waitress over... 'I've changed my mind, ' I said.
'I want what she is having, only add some more whipped cream!' We need an annual Friends Day! Live well, love much & laugh often - Be happy. Be mindful that happiness isn't based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we love and respect. Remember that while money talks, CHOCOLATE SINGS!

Abbott and Costello

Abbott and Costello, buying a computer,

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Window’s.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT: Click on ‘START’

SHOPPING AT WALMART - BY AGE

SHOPPING AT WALMART - BY AGE

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart toget something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running
the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in you pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

Blue Angels

After leaving VP47 in 1967, I was the
Admin Chief for the Blue Angels...
Chief Flora, retired USN...
Enjoy the pictures...

We see strength in our Military and sadly, we see the Twin Towers.
Something I never want to forget.

Niagara Falls... so beautiful.

I wonder who wins this battle? Ha

Anyone know the name of the old sailing vessel? What a beauty, not many left.

Blue Angels over San Francisco Bay . Watch for Alcatraz prison.

Too Close for me... Backoff Buddy.

ALCATRAZ AND FRISCO BAY

BIG BIRD COMMING IN FOR A LANDING??? ALCATRAZ OR WHATS LEFT OF IT...

(JATO) TAKE OFF... YOU SHOULD SEE THAT AT NIGHT. EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE.

Navy and Marines, working together...

I THINK THEY CALL THIS "SHORT ROLL TAKE-OFF". KINDA CLOSE I"D SAY...

LOOK, DISNEY WORLD COMING UP...

FANTASTIC PICTURE... HOW DO THEY DO IT?

ALL FOR ONE, AND ONE FOR ALL. MAJOR NERVE CONTROL HERE... WOW SO IMPRESSIVE...

Bill of NON-Rights

We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other constant bed-wetters.
We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do NOT have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .. (This one is my pet peeve…get an education and go to work….don’t expect everyone else to take care of you!)
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others! If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly….)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

Obamamobile

Would you enjoy riding in the Obamamobile?
Official Democrat Party campaign car designed exactly the way Obama lays out his message.

'A NEW DIRECTION'
You figure it out. I have a headache

Texas the one and only

When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like,
"Do you have any cows?"
"Do you have horses?"
"Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?"
"Do you own any oil wells?"

They all want to know if you've been to Southfork? They watched Dallas

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second that picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it they know what it is, It's Texas!
Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is! What happens if I show you a picture of any other state? You might get it maybe after a second or two, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

In every man, woman and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride off in a pickup. There is some little bit of Texas in everyone.
Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, "Wow so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?" Do you know why? Because there's no place like Texas!

Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom!

We send our kids to schools named William B Travis and James Bowie and Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes, John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas!

Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto.

Texas is "Juneteenth" and Texas Independence Day.

Texas is huge forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest.

Texas is breathtaking mountains in the Big Bend.

Texas is the unparalleled beauty of bluebonnet fields in the Texas Hill Country.

Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast of South Texas

Texas is the shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas.

Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork.

Texas is Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico.

Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, the Ballpark in Arlington and the Astrodome.

Texas is larger-than-life legends like Michael DeBakey, Denton Cooley, Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, Kris Kristofferson, Tom Landry, Darrell Royal, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Sam Rayburn, George Bush, Lyndon B Johnson, and George W Bush.

Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq And LOCKHEED MARTIN AEROSPACE, Home of the F-16 Jet Fighter and the JSF Fighter.

Texas is NASA

Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops.

Texas is skies blackened with doves, and fields full of deer.

Texas is a place where towns and cities shut down to watch the local High School Football game on Friday nights and for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, and for the Night In Old San Antonio and their River Parade Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lakes and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities.

If it isn't in Texas, you probably don't need it.

No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.

By federal law, Texas is the only state in the US that can fly its flag at the same height as the US flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview or anyplace else at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a republic before it became a state!

Also, being a Texan is as high as being an American down here! Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in Washington, DC and we can divide our state into five states at any time if we wanted to! We included these things as part of the deal when we came on! That's the best part, right there!!

Texas even has its own power grid!