Killer cat and my head injury

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience.. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent; claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

FauxNEWS Blog Ad and Contest

I am shamelessly putting on my site a contest that a friend is doing. I know my traffic on this site is nothing compared to other sites but here it goes this is his contest........

FauxNEWS is now officially announcing some new rules for its next giveaway. The prize? Two round trip tickets between any two cities that Continental Airlines flies. Both cities must be within the Continental United States (no Alaska or Hawaii). The two can be combined into a single international ticket, assuming Continental Airlines flies to the cities in question. All modifications are at the discretion of the FauxNEWS staff. You’ll have to eventually give me the official names, and possibly other identifying information, of the winners. Tickets will be issued in those names, and are good for one year. The date of travel must be scheduled at least 2 weeks after I am notified of the origin, destination, and travelers’ names. Both tickets must be for the same flight, same day, and the same origin and destination, with two different flyers.

However, for most folks, I don’t think this is a problem.

Read the rest of the contest rules and many great articles here at his web site all you have to do is click on my title of this article.

Boerne Photos

I was thinking this was easier to post some photos my sister and brother-n-law took when they went on their road trip to the Texas hill country and New Braunfels area. It is only a few photos but it shows how bad the weather has been there in the past six or eight months. There is one photo where there is a small deer that a friend is taking care of that my sister is hugging. The photos of the other deer are going in this subdivision by my parents property where they live. It is located in Fair Oaks Texas. Amazing they were only 30 feet away from the deer. There are some photos of a creek with the water running over a dam, where the dog is swimming, that is the family swimming hole.

MR. CRAYOLA

This amazes me probably because I wish I had a talent like people like this. We all have talents that God has given to us. Some draw, paint, work with wood, write poetry, photography, along with a million other talents but sometimes I wish I had a talent like this.
MR. CRAYOLA, the artist

Don Marco....The Master Crayola Artist
Don Marco was born in Northern Minnesota in the late 1920's. His interest in art was evident even before starting school. As a young adult in the Army Air Corps, he began his life's career in Air Traffic Control, which continued until his retirement from Honolulu International Airport in 1973. Much of his spare time was spent as a professional artist. Before retirement, Don started developing a technique to create fine art, using Crayola Crayons. Shortly after retiring, he published his first print. Living in Southern California, his work was in demand, including commissions from Burt Reynolds and a one-man show at his Dinner Theater in Florida. The following are all done totally in crayons.
Burt Reynolds

Tom Selleck

Sioux Warrior

River Elk

Quigly

Navajo Meeting

Mountain Man

James Arness

High Country Morning

Geronimo

End of the Day

Apache

Bear Bull

Black Eagle

Catch of the Day

Chief Red Wing

Jesus Christ

Clint Eastwood

John Wayne

Eagle

It is hard to imagine all of these fine pictures are done in Crayola crayons.

Actual call center conversations

Have you ever wonder what it is like to work in those call center jobs. I have thought about it briefly. Here are some calls that I got in an email and thought they were hilarious. I hope you enjoy them. :)

Customer: "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?”
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?”
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland ".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?”
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm so what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that
tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it.
Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back
of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have
the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

Texas Deputy vs New York Lawyer

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy is because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense. The deputy says," License and registration, please." "What for?" says the lawyer? The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop, says the deputy. License and registration, please." The lawyer says, "What's the difference?" "The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says. Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." "That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WW II MOVIE STARS?

In contrast to the ideals, opinions
and feelings of today's "Hollywonk" the real actors of yester-year loved the United States .
They had both class and integrity.
With the advent of World War II many of our actors went to fight rather than stand and rant against this country we all love.

They gave up their wealth, position and fame to become service men &women, many as simple "enlisted men".

This page lists but a few, but from this group of only 18 men came over 70 medals in honor of their valor, spanning from Bronze Stars,
Silver Stars, Distinguish Service Cross', Purple Hearts and one Congressional Medal of Honor.

So remember; while the "Entertainers of 2005 -2006" have been in all of the news media lately I would like to
remind the people of what the
entertainers of 1943 were doing, (61 years ago).

Most of these brave men have since passed on.

"Real Hollywood Heros"

Alec Guinness (Star Wars) operated
a British Royal Navy landing craft on D-Day.

James Doohan ("Scotty" on Star Trek)
landed in Normandy with the U. S. Army on D-Day

Donald Pleasance (The Great Escape) really was an R. A. F. pilot who was shot down, held prisoner and tortured by the Germans.

David Niven was a Sandhurst graduate and Lt Colonel of the British Commandos in Normandy .
James Stewart Entered the Army Air Force as a private and worked his way to the rank of Colonel.
During World War II, Stewart served as a bomber pilot, his service record crediting him with leading more than 20 missions over Germany , and
taking part in hundreds of air strikes during his tour of duty.
Stewart earned the Air Medal, the Distinguished Flying Cross, France's Croix de Guerre,and 7 Battle Stars during World War II.
In peace time, Stewart continued to be an active member of the Air Force as a reservist, reaching the rank of Brigadier General before retiring in the late 1950s.

Clark Gable (Mega-Movie Star when war broke out)
Although he was beyond the draft age at the time the U.S. entered WW II, Clark Gable enlisted as a private in the AAF on Aug. 12, 1942 at Los Angeles.
He attended the Officers' Candidate School at Miami Beach , Fla. and graduated as a second lieutenant on Oct. 28, 1942.
He then attended aerial gunnery school and in Feb. 1943 he was assigned to the 351st Bomb Group at Polebrook
where flew operational missions over Europe in B-17s.
Capt. Gable returned to the U.S. in Oct. 1943 and was relieved from active duty as a major on Jun. 12, 1944 at his
own request, since he was over-age for combat.

Charlton Heston was an Army
Air Corps Sergeant in Kodiak.

Ernest Borgnine was a U. S
Navy Gunners Mate 1935-1945.

Charles Durning was a U. S.
Army Ranger at Normandy
earning a Silver Star and
awarded the Purple Heart.

Charles Bronson was a tail gunner
in the Army Air Corps, more
specifically on B-29's in the 20th
Air Force out of Guam, Tinian, and Saipan.

George C. Scott was
a decorated U. S. Marine.

Eddie Albert (Green Acres TV)
was awarded a Bronze
Star for his heroic action
as a U. S. Naval officer aiding Marines at the horrific battle on the island of Tarawa in the Pacific Nov. 1943.
Brian Keith served as a
US . Marine rear gunner in
several actions against the
Japanese on Rabal in the Pacific.

Lee Marvin was a U.S. Marine on Saipan during the Marianas campaign when he was wounded earning the Purple Heart.

John Russell: In 1942, he
enlisted in the Marine Corps
where he received a battlefield
commission and was wounded and
highly decorated for valor at Guadalcanal .

Robert Ryan was a U. S. Marine
who served with the O. S. S. in Yugoslavia .

Tyrone Power (an established
movie star when Pearl Harbor was bombed) joined the
U.S. Marines, was a pilot
flying supplies into, and wounded
Marines out of, Iwo Jima and Okinawa.

Audie Murphy, little 5'5" tall 110 pound
guy from Texas who played cowboy parts:
Most Decorated serviceman of WWII and earned: Medal of Honor, Distinguished Service Cross, 2 Silver Star Medals, Legion of Merit, 2 Bronze Star Medals with "V", 2 Purple Hearts, U.S. Army Outstanding Civilian Service Meda! l, Good Conduct Medal, 2 Distinguished Unit Emblems, American Campaign Medal, European-African-Middle Eastern Campaign Medal with One Silver Star, Four Bronze Service Stars (representing nine campaigns) and one Bronze Arrowhead (representing assault landing at Sicily and Southern France) World War II Victory Medal Army of Occupation Medal with Germany Clasp, Armed Forces Reserve Medal, Combat Infantry Badge, Marksman Badge with Rifle Bar, Expert Badge with Bayonet Bar, French Fourragere in Colors of the Croix de Guerre, French Legion of Honor, Grade of Chevalier, French Croix de Guerre With Silver Star, French Croix de Guerre with Palm, Medal of Liberated France, Belgian Croix de Guerre 1940 Palm.

So how do you feel the real heroes of the silver screen acted
when compared to the hollywonks today who spew out anti-American drivel as they bite the hand that feeds them?
Can you imagine these stars of yester-year saying they hate our flag,
making anti-war speeches,
marching in anti-American parades
and saying they hate our president?

I thought not, . neither did I!

If you enjoyed this bit of history, please tell all your friends and spread the word.