Happy IVGLDSW Day!

This one is for all the females in the world. There is always some man that believes his "IVGLDSW" is out there. :)

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day!
So please let someone you think that fits this description know. No need to let me know as I have already been told from a Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman already! And remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a wonderful day !

The Best Living Will I've Seen

Now this is my kind of will. :) I hope you enjoy my will.

I, ________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers / doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
chocolate
Margarita
chocolate
Martini
chocolate
Mexican food
chocolate
French fries
chocolate
Pizza
chocolate
ice cream
chocolate
Chocolate
Sex
Chocolate

It should be presumed that I wouldn’t ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Main Reason To Be Nice To Nurses!!

For everyone who love attorneys.
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just
like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything
to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She
came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down,
crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
"No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated,
"but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he
rolled over and bared his behind.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,
"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.
He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his
door, laughing.
After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you
ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

I was going through some documents on my computer today to see what stuff I was going to delete to clean up my hard drive. I came across this really good gem of a joke. I love Texas jokes, if there is anything I want to be remembered as is a true Texan. I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did. LOL.


Someone once noted that a Texan can get away with the most awful kind of
insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or
"Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the
head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a 6-lane highway."

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about
her new transplanted northern friend who was upset because her toddler is
just beginning to talk and he has a Texas accent. My friend, who is very
kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers,
was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to
move to Texas a couple of years ago.

"Can you believe it?" said her friend, "A child of mine is going to be
"taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North,
bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships, and
their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past
their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the
heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

I have a friend from Bawston, bless her heart, who thinks it's hilarious
when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the
light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin" to do something.
And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is, or
what "I reckon" means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she cain't
help being ugly, but she could'uh stayed home."

Texas girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.

Texas girls always say:
1. "Yes Maam."
2. "Yessir."

Texas girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Yawl come back."
2. "Well, bless yer harrt."
3. "Drop by when ya can."
4. "How's yer mama?"
5. "Love yer hair."

Texas girls know their three R's:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest

Texas girls know everybody's first name:
1. Hunny
2. Darlin'
3. Shuger

Texas girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"

Texas girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T. = Girls Raised in Texas !

Now you run along, Shuger, and send this to ANY females aspiring to be
GRITS--Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".

"Just because you move to Texas does not make you a Texan. After all, if
a cat had kittens and moved them to the oven, that wouldn't make them
biscuits."