I was going through some documents on my computer today to see what stuff I was going to delete to clean up my hard drive. I came across this really good gem of a joke. I love Texas jokes, if there is anything I want to be remembered as is a true Texan. I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did. LOL.


Someone once noted that a Texan can get away with the most awful kind of
insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or
"Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the
head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a 6-lane highway."

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about
her new transplanted northern friend who was upset because her toddler is
just beginning to talk and he has a Texas accent. My friend, who is very
kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers,
was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to
move to Texas a couple of years ago.

"Can you believe it?" said her friend, "A child of mine is going to be
"taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North,
bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships, and
their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past
their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the
heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

I have a friend from Bawston, bless her heart, who thinks it's hilarious
when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the
light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin" to do something.
And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is, or
what "I reckon" means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she cain't
help being ugly, but she could'uh stayed home."

Texas girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.

Texas girls always say:
1. "Yes Maam."
2. "Yessir."

Texas girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. "Yawl come back."
2. "Well, bless yer harrt."
3. "Drop by when ya can."
4. "How's yer mama?"
5. "Love yer hair."

Texas girls know their three R's:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest

Texas girls know everybody's first name:
1. Hunny
2. Darlin'
3. Shuger

Texas girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"

Texas girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T. = Girls Raised in Texas !

Now you run along, Shuger, and send this to ANY females aspiring to be
GRITS--Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts".

"Just because you move to Texas does not make you a Texan. After all, if
a cat had kittens and moved them to the oven, that wouldn't make them
biscuits."