Difference between men and women!!

I just cannot help myself but sometimes I just love the little jokes that point out the difference between men and women. Maybe it is a single thing and since I have been single for so long it has turned into me being snarly at times. :)) This is an updated version on the venus and mars thing. I hope you enjoy this one.

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on
sale.

4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that ... is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS

Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

10. DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY...

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep,” the wife replied, "in-laws.